Pass the butter, Sister Paddleme’ has CRABS!

By Sister Paddleme’ Tooshie

When I was a small nun I had frequent talks of sex and venereal diseases (that is what we called them at the time) with my mother and my grandmother. This is probably what warped me. One of my favorite talks was over a delightful lunch. I think I was a sophomore in high school, which really doesn’t matter, just gives depth to the story. Back to lunch. The story goes like this:

When my grandmother was a young girl, in high school herself, she and her friends would often ditch school and drive over to the Pismo Beach. Yes, Sister Paddleme’ is not from Seattle. I was cursed to live in the central valley of Cali – again, irrelevant. On one of her adventures, Grams brought some “friends” home. She had no idea. By the next day, she was having horrible itching “down there.” A few more days passed and the itching was unbearable. She knew she needed to see the family doctor but she was too embarrassed because she was “a good girl and good girls didn’t get this kind of thing.” But sure enough even “good girls” can get crabs from “toilet seats”. The cure was easy enough, the doctor gave her a special shampoo and, “He made me shave my beaver!” From that day forward she always trimmed her beaver.

Pthius pubis commonly known as Crab louse is the bug of the day.

This is what the little bugger looks like:

 Crab Louse        (a crab louse)

 Crab Louse Egg (a crab louse egg, this one is glued to a hair)

Ok, Can you say, *Ouch!*? Look at those claws.



Pubic lice are normally spread by sexual contact and are considered a sexually transmitted disease, but can also be spread by sharing clothes or bedding. A common misbelief is that infestation can be spread by sitting on a toilet seat. This is not likely since lice cannot live long away from a warm human body. Also, lice do not have feet designed to walk or hold onto smooth surfaces such as toilet seats. I know that I said that is how my Grams got it. I just relayed the story. More than likely one of her friends was a whore and they shared clothes. Crabs can be found in any human hair. Most common is the pubic areas but they can also be found in eyelashes, beards, mustaches and armpits.

How do you know it the armpit/crotch you are diving into is infeted? OPEN YOUR EYES!! There are a couple of big clues:

  • You SEE bugs jumping around.
  • You can see little white beads on the hair. These are actually the egg pods. A female can lay up to 40 eggs at a time.
  • The skin below the hair can have these funny, sometimes blue dots by the base of the hair. This is because the louse sucks blood to survive. Neat huh?



There are really no long term affects, other than insanity from itching, found with a crab’s infestation. I suppose you could get a little anemic, but there is no research to prove this. The main effect is ITCHING!! You can also get secondary infections at the sites where they suck your blood.



Pubic lice are easily killed with a 1% permethrin or pyrethrin lice shampoo, but the pubic hair must be shaved or combed with a fine-toothed comb to remove the nits. Lice can survive in bedding and clothing, so these items must be treated, sterilized, or contact with them must be avoided for two weeks, after which time any lice will have died. Lindane (1%), another pediculocide, is not recommended for pregnant or nursing women or for children less than 2 years old.


Take us home Sister –

I hope you have enjoyed my time of sharing with you. What big lesson do I want you to walk away with… Be careful out there. Know who you are bedding with. Take care of yourself; I think you are beautiful and I hope you do too.


Spank and Tickle,

Sister Paddleme’ Tooshie



Sister Paddleme’ Tooshie answers the HARD questions.

S.Seaman asked – (Great name by the way.  I think I chose to answer this question based on your name.)


“I’m here in Seattle, and I’m just finishing up a Bachelor’s degree in psychology. A lot of grad schools require me to have volunteer or work experience in a “mental health field”, but obviously I’m not qualified to really do anything beyond peer counseling stuff. Eventually I’d like to have training in both clinical sexology and clinical psychology and work with the LGBTQ community, the kink community and other sexual minorities. Any ideas on where in town to apply for that sort of volunteer work?”



Well I have to ask this first, “What are your intentions?”  If you are looking to help ‘cure’ the kink community – DON’T BOTHER!   If you are looking to help kinky people with every day crap… Good for you.  The first place to explore would be ‘The Wet Spot.’  The spot is a Sex-Positive Community Center.   It is a safe, wonderful place to play and open up to the wilder side of life and possibly learn a new trick.  “Who knew fisting could be so fun?”

There are other great community centers that I would definitely explore…

Click on any of these kinks and check them out.

  • The Center for Sex Positive Culture (formerly known as The Wet Spot)
  • LGBT Community Center
  • Seattle Counseling Services
  • Gay City
  • Lifelong AIDS Alliance

Keep on doing what you are doing … asking around.  I’m sure that this little list has already sparked other groups.  Don’t forget to check out social groups as well.

~Flog you later,

Sister Paddleme’ Tooshie


If you are group out there that I did not mention, I’m sorry.  I can only juggle so many penii at a time.

Do you have a question for the Sisters? Any question (and we mean any) will be accepted, read, shared with all the other Sisters, and maybe even answered HERE. Just send them to

Active Board Deaconess (Treasurer) Fully Professed Mistress of UNPC Sisters

Sister Paddlemé Tooshie

Spank and Tickle from Sister Paddleme’ Tooshie

I have beleaguered the Seattle Sisters with my presence for the past decade or so. I know it seems like a lifetime- -it has! My life before was dark and tortuous. For some reason Uncle Sam thought my feathered eyelashes didn’t fit under the “good order and discipline” of the United States Navy. Fine! I kept the “discipline” and went to another “order.”

I love being a servant of Seattle through the Abbey of Saint Joan. I get so much joy from talking and sharing with others. My mission has changed over the years. It has now evolved into; I want you to see you from my eyes. You are so beautiful and you deserve to make smart choices with your body.

May you be blessed with love, joy and a little mischief.

Contact Sister Paddlemé Tooshie