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Fully Professed Inactive Sisters

Sister Dinah Douche

“Sister Dinah Douche of the Immaculate Colonic” – Now with Soft, Flexible Comfortip. (patent pending)

Use for occasional expiation of stigmatic guilt and promulgation of your universal joy.

Rectal Use Only

With steady pressure, gently insert Sister Dinah Douche of the Immaculate Colonic into your rectum with a slight side-to-side movement with the tip pointing to your navel. Insertion may be easier if you bear down, as if having a bowel movement. This helps relax the muscles around the anus and your guilt.

Do not force Dinah into rectum, as this will rip you to shreds!

Squeeze Dinah until all her love is inside you. It is not necessary to empty Dinah completely, as she has more love than needed.

For best results, insert and remove Dinah repeatedly (100-200 times), maintain your position until Dinah’s urge to evacuate is strong (usually 1-5 minutes).

Ask a doctor before using Dinah if you:

  • are a “total top”
  • have an irrational fear of clowns
  • are allergic to grease paint or glitter
  • or the smell of balls in pantyhose is a turnoff to you

www.facebook.com/sisterdinahdouche

 

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    Categories
    Fully Professed On-leave/Missionary Sisters

    Sister Diana Nirvana

    13 Powers of a Nun

    1- Tie a knot and say the words

    The beginning of a worldwide organization originated in 1979 that brought forth young men to cross dress in habits from the musical Sound Of Music

    2- or hand on head – the blessing conferred

    To put on the white face as a confessional, to give the community a chance to convey their heart of hearts, and have an empathetic ear. That is there for them in the time they need and community holds dear the expiation of their guilt and allowing them to truly feel joy.

    3- A Witch can give success in love

    To help people have self-love, freedom to enjoy other intimately, and the tools such as a condom to do it ethically.

    4- Curse or Bless through Goddess above

    To help shed light on social issues that are present in the current times, the ones that need to be addressed, and have resolution to help hold up the community, that is in need for equality, and have their prerogatives be heard.

    5- Speak to beasts and spirits alike

    The catalyst for inclusion of all faiths, that is like a caterpillar blossoming into a butterfly, to the sky for each and every human, that we smile at as we walk on by.

    6- Command the Weather

    Sisters are like the water, fluid and ready to go with the flow for someone or cause in need, the fire that gives warmth in the form of hugs also the huge heart for others, the wind that is the voice of the community that needs to have aid in getting stuff done, and the earth that is here to grow roots in the soil of community’s to help them to thrive.

    7- Cast out a blight

    To help join the forces of one nun with the energy of others to go out and do the work or a group of nuns that charge forth to answer bacon calls.

    8- Read the heavens and stars of the night

    Help guide people in the journey to be a nun. When the calling comes to someone, they observe the Sisters doing the work. Learn the ropes of putting on face as a postulant and find someone to mentor them. Get a voice to help educate in their novice stage. Then, do a project that corresponds to the mission of the Sisters. To become a Fully Professed Sister, in body, mind, and spirit.

    9- Divine the future

    Help others with a vision for a better tomorrow and to help the community find joy, through blessings, and also glitter for some that shows the light of them touched by the Devine spirit of a Nun.

    10- Give good advice

    Offer aid to people with terminal illness. Giving them some smiles, an ear that is there to listen, and a chance to take a deep breath to ease the suffering.

    11- Conjure Treasure and bring fortune to bear

    Go to events to raise money for many nonprofits. Get the community to enjoy the art of giving. People that need money then are grateful receivers of the bounty brought forth by the community. It is the karmic flow of philanthropy.

    12- Heal the sick

    Give resources to people who have STDs and STIs to feel better, education about them, and a chance to cure some of them. Give nonprofits, money to help give quality one-on-one treatment, and other resources to the suffering community member.

    13- Kill Despair

    In the day-to-day struggle of the world. Sisters bring a smile to someone that needs some joy. A hug to someone that needs closeness. They are there to help shift the negative paradigm of the world. One person, step, dollar, event, and manifestation at a time. It takes a village of Nuns to help many. More smiles and less frowns!

    Note: Sister Nirvana has moved to join our lovely friend at the Portland Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Order of Benevolent Bliss!

    Categories
    Fully Professed Inactive Sisters

    Sister Dawnna Creation

     

     

    Categories
    Active Fully Professed Sisters

    Sister Coochie Von Beaverhausen

     

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      Categories
      Fully Professed Mistress of Novices On-leave/Missionary Ordained Minister Sisters

      Sister Christiana Puregaëspella Metroform (Metro)

      Cover Photo Credit: Jorchi Hernández

      Sister Metro arrived in Seattle in 2004 on the back of a Kosher apple truck. Armed with only a piercing sceptic glare and a nose for charlatans and snake-oil salesmen, this fresh, rosy-cheeked nun soon found her way on Capitol Hill, arriving at the Abbey of St. Joan in mid-2009. At first charming and congenial, then wise and…ummm…penetrating, she soon became part of the Abbey, ministering to the LGBT and Latino communities with quiet charm and humor.

      A denizen of exotic locales that serve strong drinks, hot men, and good conversation, she’ll switch from biting humor and ribaldry to patient kindness, indulging her flock’s need for a kind word or simply an attentive and non-judgmental ear. Partial to Otters, Capybaras, and Crows, but kind to all our Mother’s creatures, she’ll be sure to share a good story with a mischievous glint in her eye and spread Sister magic wherever she goes.

      Note: Sister Metro has decided to take a temporary sabbatical till February 2025

        

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        Categories
        At Large Board Fully Professed Mistress of UNPC Sisters

        Sister Castrata Stigmata Banana Fana Fo Fata/Brother Otto Erotik

        Categories
        Fully Professed Inactive Ordained Minister Sisters

        Sister Castaspella New, the Nun too Bewitched

        …an excerpt from Sister Cass’s Book of Magic and Mystery! pg 69(of course)

        A spell to create a witch nun:

        • Begin with a dream.
        • Add good humor and wicked wit.
        • Blend with lots of love and lots of laughter.
        • Beat in some common sense and community awareness.
        • Pour into a male mold and sprinkle with female intuition.
        • Smother with magic, mysticism, sensuality and sex.
        • Bake until larger than life, and that’s just the right size.
        • Now sit back and watch as she rises to the occasion.

        Beware, this formula has been known to enchant and embrace all walks of life.  She may just cast a spell on YOU.

         

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        Categories
        Fully Professed Inactive Sisters

        Sister Beyoncé Ving

         

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          Categories
          Fully Professed On-leave/Missionary Sisters

          Sister Bertha Christ

          Sister Bertha was originally dubbed “Saint Queen Bitch” when the Abbey of St. Joan was first formed, she later heeded her calling to become a Sister. Currently on hiatus, she still makes her presence felt with timely advice and support for the house’s activities.

          Categories
          Fully Professed Inactive Ordained Minister Sisters

          Sister Bebe Jeebus

          Welcome to an exciting episode of “Holy Cribs”

          Tonight we have Sister Bebe Jeebus of the not-so-Immaculate Manger. Some people think she was born in a barn. Pffft

          In the center of the room is the manger, the queen sized manger of love.

          In the corner are the beautiful things that represent Bebe.

          Glitter, for shining the golden ray of the sun even in the dark.

          White face: a symbol and reflection of the love and acceptance around her

          Condoms: for safety and an expression of love and respect of others

          “If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater.” – Margaret Weis

           

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