Author: Pristine Chapel

Categories
Sermons

Got the Munchies…?

 An oral report by Sister Anja Knees

 

Hello love! I’m Sister Anja Knees, and I’m here to talk about oral sex! Now, I’m not going to reveal any amazing secrets of bj’s and munch fests. See me later for extra credit. I am, however, going to talk about the do’s and shouldn’t’s when it comes to tasting your partner between the legs! Lucky for you it’s me giving advice, ‘cause I don’t have the name Anja Knees just because it’s cute!

A common myth in our society is that oral sex sans protection is totally safe. “But Sister, the health care world says it’s a minimal-risk activity!” In that you are correct, my friend, but it depends upon how you treat your mouth before and after as well as what sorts of things you should watch out for!

Many studies have been done on HIV transmission via oral sex, and results have varied, partly because people who give tongue baths to tender loins often engage in other fun activities, like screwing! There have been documented cases of HIV infection via blowjobs and pussy licking, but while some studies have reported as high as an 8% HIV infection rate due to oral sex, others have reported none! This is due to lots of different factors, which I’ll explain.

Let’s not forget the other Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI’s) out there, and that their presence can help HIV hop, skip and pump its way into people! Nearly all STI’s, an updated term for STD, can be transferred via oral sex (at a much higher rate than HIV) either to the sucker or the suckee, including but not limited to:

  • -Herpes (cold sores are Type 1, lesions on your crotch are generally Type 2)
  • -Chlamydia (discharge, mmm)
  • -Gonorrhea (leaky pee-pee)
  • -Hep. A (via fecal matter, so putting a “poop dick” in your mouth isn’t so smart!)
  • -Hep. B (transmitted through pre-cum, cum, vaginal fluids and sometimes saliva)
  • -HPV (warts, extremely common on genitals, rare in the mouth)
  • -Syphilis (multi-phase fun)

“Sister, how do HIV/STI infections happen if oral sex is so low-risk?” I’m glad you asked, sweetheart! The easiest way is through cuts, scrapes and/or lesions in the mouth and/or private bits. Skin is a barrier, so a breech in the skin is a breech in defenses. Skin-to-skin contact can cause transmission of some STI’s, such as Herpes and HPV, hence why bj’s are considered higher risk for STI infections. And, if you love a mouthful of pussy, reconsider sweepin’ the streets of Tuna Town when the red tide is in, because a woman’s menstrual blood can carry the HIV virus.

“What can I do to prevent the spread of these infections when my partner or I chow down on each other’s happy places?” An excellent question! The most effective way is, of course, abstinence. However, knowing that you’re a sexy horndog, you should know that there are many ways to gargle his wand or yodel in her canyon safely!:

 

Protection:

Condoms for cocks, dental dams for snatches. If you’re allergic to latex, there are polyurethane alternatives, or saran wrap! Make sure it’s non-microwaveable, though, ‘cause the microwaveable wrap is porous, i.e. why bother? If you don’t want to use a condom or dental dam, choosing a partner that you’re monogamous with or super trust can help you to stay safe.

 

Inspections:

If you’re the one on ya knees, pay attention to your mouth. Any cuts, lesions, inflamed gums or new piercings in there, you might wanna reconsider diving in unprotected.

Make sure it’s clean before putting it in your mouth. If anything looks amiss (lesions, wart bumps, “spring green pre-cum,”), a hand-job might be a good alternative.

 

Planning:

Try refraining from eating abrasive foods or brushing and flossing up to 2 hours before oral sex, because your gums can take awhile to heal. Gargling with mouthwash is also effective for germ and bacteria killing, and going pee after getting a tongue bath on your genitals is also smart, as urine is completely sterile and can clean out your urethra of little critters trying to nest.

 

Spit, Swallow or Facial?

Even though it’s tempting to taste his load, not allowing cum in your mouth can GREATLY reduce your risk of HIV/STI infection. If you do take his load, consider taking it in the very back of your throat so as to avoid your gums entirely, and rinse your mouth out as soon as you can without offending your sex buddy so that potential jizz denizens don’t have time to make you their new home. Also, wait a half hour after sex before brushing your teeth or eating, ‘cause while saliva is tough stuff against HIV, it does take awhile for it to get that foreign body fluid broken down.

The best motto to live by with oral sex is assuming no one is HIV/STI free, because they can be a carrier without knowing it. Lucky for you who love face-in-lap action, the risk level is lower than full-on intercourse. But the risk exists, so remember these lessons the next time you find yourself crotch to mouth with someone, and you’ll be very happy you did, I swear it. Now who wants a demo!!

 

Always willing to service,

Sister Anja Knees

Categories
Sermons

Pass the butter, Sister Paddleme’ has CRABS!

By Sister Paddleme’ Tooshie

When I was a small nun I had frequent talks of sex and venereal diseases (that is what we called them at the time) with my mother and my grandmother. This is probably what warped me. One of my favorite talks was over a delightful lunch. I think I was a sophomore in high school, which really doesn’t matter, just gives depth to the story. Back to lunch. The story goes like this:

When my grandmother was a young girl, in high school herself, she and her friends would often ditch school and drive over to the Pismo Beach. Yes, Sister Paddleme’ is not from Seattle. I was cursed to live in the central valley of Cali – again, irrelevant. On one of her adventures, Grams brought some “friends” home. She had no idea. By the next day, she was having horrible itching “down there.” A few more days passed and the itching was unbearable. She knew she needed to see the family doctor but she was too embarrassed because she was “a good girl and good girls didn’t get this kind of thing.” But sure enough even “good girls” can get crabs from “toilet seats”. The cure was easy enough, the doctor gave her a special shampoo and, “He made me shave my beaver!” From that day forward she always trimmed her beaver.

Pthius pubis commonly known as Crab louse is the bug of the day.

This is what the little bugger looks like:

 Crab Louse        (a crab louse)

 Crab Louse Egg (a crab louse egg, this one is glued to a hair)

Ok, Can you say, *Ouch!*? Look at those claws.

 

Transmission:

Pubic lice are normally spread by sexual contact and are considered a sexually transmitted disease, but can also be spread by sharing clothes or bedding. A common misbelief is that infestation can be spread by sitting on a toilet seat. This is not likely since lice cannot live long away from a warm human body. Also, lice do not have feet designed to walk or hold onto smooth surfaces such as toilet seats. I know that I said that is how my Grams got it. I just relayed the story. More than likely one of her friends was a whore and they shared clothes. Crabs can be found in any human hair. Most common is the pubic areas but they can also be found in eyelashes, beards, mustaches and armpits.

How do you know it the armpit/crotch you are diving into is infeted? OPEN YOUR EYES!! There are a couple of big clues:

  • You SEE bugs jumping around.
  • You can see little white beads on the hair. These are actually the egg pods. A female can lay up to 40 eggs at a time.
  • The skin below the hair can have these funny, sometimes blue dots by the base of the hair. This is because the louse sucks blood to survive. Neat huh?

 

Effects:

There are really no long term affects, other than insanity from itching, found with a crab’s infestation. I suppose you could get a little anemic, but there is no research to prove this. The main effect is ITCHING!! You can also get secondary infections at the sites where they suck your blood.

 

Treatment:

Pubic lice are easily killed with a 1% permethrin or pyrethrin lice shampoo, but the pubic hair must be shaved or combed with a fine-toothed comb to remove the nits. Lice can survive in bedding and clothing, so these items must be treated, sterilized, or contact with them must be avoided for two weeks, after which time any lice will have died. Lindane (1%), another pediculocide, is not recommended for pregnant or nursing women or for children less than 2 years old.

 

Take us home Sister –

I hope you have enjoyed my time of sharing with you. What big lesson do I want you to walk away with… Be careful out there. Know who you are bedding with. Take care of yourself; I think you are beautiful and I hope you do too.

 

Spank and Tickle,

Sister Paddleme’ Tooshie

Categories
Sermons

AIDS 101

Keep yourself education, keep yourself safe

Courtesy of Sister Eva Destruction

Recently the news has been all abuzz with the advances in HIV research.  I was going to direct this sermon towards that topic, but when I started perusing the internets, discussion threads and such that were dedicated to all these current events, I noticed that there is an unusually high ratio of people out there who didn’t have a basic grasp of HIV itself.

Now, I’m an old nun.  I remember when off-the-shoulder tee shirts, leg warmers, skinny jeans and HIV were all new ideas (and like poor fashion choices, poor health information can have the potential to haunt you for the rest of your life).  It seemed like my generation was constantly bombarded with fresh data all the time.  Granted, HIV was new and scary (ps. it’s still scary) so everyone was trying to understand how to handle it.  These days, we sometimes make the mistake of assuming that everyone has heard the same messages, so rather than have a long discussion about the subtleties of this virus, let’s take a review of the basics.

HIV is a virus, that’s the ‘V’ part.  The long name is Human Immunodeficiency Virus, meaning it causes a problem with a person’s immune system.  HIV is not AIDS.  AIDS is, ready?:  Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome, or a set of health problems that have come about because of an immune system weakened by HIV.  Think of it like this; not everyone who has tested positive for HIV has AIDS, but everyone who has AIDS is HIV positive.  Being virus-based, you can break down the change from HIV negative to AIDS in four steps:  Exposure, Infection, Development, and, well let’s just call the last step “AIDS” (some people want to put the term ‘full blown’ in front to heighten the drama, but, really that makes about as much sense as being ‘a little pregnant’).

Like pretty much anything in life, if you don’t want it, don’t get near it.  I promise that little gem of advice is 100% effective for all things.  Reality, however, tends to complicate this rule.  Viruses like people, and to a lesser extent, people like people.  So in all likelihood at some point you will have to come into contact with, or be exposed to, someone who could have a virus.  We’re aware how colds and the Flu get around, so we take precautions, like washing our hands and wearing silly paper masks to limit our exposure, likewise, understanding how HIV is spread can help you limit your exposure to that virus.

HIV is found in some bodily fluids; blood, semen, vaginal secretions and breast milk, so you want to be careful around those.  HIV is not found in spit, tears, sweat, pee or poop, so have a field day there.  The best way of avoiding these fluids would be to not have sex, not share anything that has another person’s blood on it (needles, syringes, vendettas) or not breastfeeding from someone who has HIV.  If you can’t avoid sex, I know spirit = willing, flesh = weak, be with only one partner, who isn’t HIV positive.  If that’s not on your agenda, then at least use some sort of barrier like a condom or dental dam.  Still too much to ask?  Really?  Then try talking to your next conquest about their status and take your chances.  You never know, they could be liars only after your hot, hot body, or they may not know their own HIV status.  As for needles and syringes, make sure you only use sterile equipment, and never, never share your gear, and as an aside, if you can take that much consideration to your own welfare, perhaps you might want to consider some sort of counseling for your drug use?  I’m just sayin’…

But what if, gods forbid, that nothing has sunk in to this point and you’ve been exposed to HIV?  You still need to contract the virus, Step 2; Infection.  You’ve contracted a virus when it has begun reproducing itself in your body.  At this point the body starts to fight the virus by producing antibodies.  Remember that time everyone around you had the cold but you didn’t get it?  Chances are you were exposed, but for some reason you didn’t “catch” it, same applies here. (This doesn’t mean that the odds are in your favor, it’s just to give you some perspective, so you don’t freak out every time someone shoots in your eye.)  Most people may feel nothing more than Flu-like symptoms for several days.  But just because you may not feel sick that doesn’t mean you haven’t been infected, that’s why it’s so important to get tested at least every six months, if you’ve been in a risky situation.

Now let’s say that your test came back and you’re HIV positive.  The third step is the development of the infection.  The medical community splits this one up into two parts, asymptomatic and symptomatic – you are or aren’t showing symptoms.  At first, you won’t show symptoms, and look perfectly healthy.  You can still pass it along the ways I mentioned earlier, this isn’t the time to start slacking on your common sense.  Actually, it’s time to be even more careful, your immune system isn’t at 100% anymore, so why would you want to try to fight a 1-2 combo of HIV and Syphilis? But I digress… Many people stay asymptomatic for several years, and the earlier HIV can be detected, the better chance for an improved quality of life.  At some point though, the disease will move into the symptomatic stage.

Symptoms begin to show when the virus has weakened the immune system – your boat has begun to leak.  You may feel more tired than usual, have night sweats, skin rashes, or slight weight loss.  Normally, a healthy body can keep up with all of these, but your immune system is starting to miss a few of these germies.  As this stage progresses, infections and fevers will become more frequent, the weight loss will be more drastic, and diarrhea will make a new place in you life.  Can you see why it’s real important to get medical treatment before symptoms start to show?

Finally, the last stage is AIDS itself.  Call it “Late Stage HIV”, “Full-blown” or whatever, this is the point where your body can’t protect itself and what are called ‘opportunistic infections’ take hold.  These buggers, like rare pneumonias and skin lesions, take advantage of the weak immune system and can be really nasty.  AIDS, however is not an automatic death sentence, there are many therapies that can help the body fight the infections as well as target HIV.  Even having HIV does not necessarily mean you will develop AIDS.  Again, all four steps have to happen; Exposure > Infection > Development > AIDS.  Granted, people who do not get medical attention are going to be on the losing side of the battle, but early detection and treatment is allowing people to live healthy lives for decades.

So let’s recap in no particular order:

  • Limit your contact with someone else’s body fluids
  • Ask your partner(s) if they know their status.
  • Know your status, get tested.
  • Early detection and treatment.
  • Donate to the Sisters (why not throw a plug in there?)

For more information:

And remember, this is in no way intended to diagnose or prescribe any medical information. Go see your doctor for that…

Categories
Advice

KRAZY KINKY of KINKY KRAZY??

Sister Paddleme’ Tooshie answers the HARD questions.

S.Seaman asked – (Great name by the way.  I think I chose to answer this question based on your name.)

 

“I’m here in Seattle, and I’m just finishing up a Bachelor’s degree in psychology. A lot of grad schools require me to have volunteer or work experience in a “mental health field”, but obviously I’m not qualified to really do anything beyond peer counseling stuff. Eventually I’d like to have training in both clinical sexology and clinical psychology and work with the LGBTQ community, the kink community and other sexual minorities. Any ideas on where in town to apply for that sort of volunteer work?”

S.S.-

 

Well I have to ask this first, “What are your intentions?”  If you are looking to help ‘cure’ the kink community – DON’T BOTHER!   If you are looking to help kinky people with every day crap… Good for you.  The first place to explore would be ‘The Wet Spot.’  The spot is a Sex-Positive Community Center.   It is a safe, wonderful place to play and open up to the wilder side of life and possibly learn a new trick.  “Who knew fisting could be so fun?”

There are other great community centers that I would definitely explore…

Click on any of these kinks and check them out.

  • The Center for Sex Positive Culture (formerly known as The Wet Spot)
  • LGBT Community Center
  • Seattle Counseling Services
  • Gay City
  • Lifelong AIDS Alliance

Keep on doing what you are doing … asking around.  I’m sure that this little list has already sparked other groups.  Don’t forget to check out social groups as well.

~Flog you later,

Sister Paddleme’ Tooshie

 

If you are group out there that I did not mention, I’m sorry.  I can only juggle so many penii at a time.

Do you have a question for the Sisters? Any question (and we mean any) will be accepted, read, shared with all the other Sisters, and maybe even answered HERE. Just send them to advice@theabbey.org

Categories
Advice

What was in that salad?

by Sister Bertha Christ

Dear sisters,

I’m a 19 year old gay boy from podunk, BFE. I just found out that I have Hepatitis A. I got it from a one night stand who I went home with while I was drunk. The problem is, I have a boyfriend. I don’t want to pass it to him, but I’m too embarrassed to say anything. Should I tell him? Are there ways of keeping him safe without having to tell him what I’ve done?

– He’ll Excrement Post Announcement!

 

Dear BFE,

A little Hepatitis overview first. Hepatitis C is blood-blood transmission, Hepatitis B is transmitted by bodiliy fluids, and Hepatitis A is fecal-oral transmission. What that means for you is that you could have contracted Hepatitis A anywhere you drank, ate, or licked dirty butt. If you have had sex with your boyfriend since “cheating” and he licked your dirty butt, or you prepared food for him without washing your hands, you may have transmitted the virus to him. Your bottom line is he won’t know that you slept around, since Hepatitis A is not only transmitted by licking dirty butt.

It all depends on the type of relationship you want with him. Do you want one where there are secrets, or one of trust? Examine why you slept with someone else. Ask yourself, is there something lacking in the relationship you need to ask for? Is there something lacking in yourself? Do you want an open relationship? Are you happy in this relationship? Make sure you are clear what it is you want, be succinct, and tell him your truth. Then, shut up and listen to his response.

As hard as it might be to see a loved one hurt by our own actions, honesty is best and they deserve to have all the facts. Wouldn’t you want to know?

Lastly, there is a vaccine for Hepatitis A and B, but not C. So, if you haven’t had Hepatits B yet, get vaccinated.

Sister Bertha

 

Do you have a question for the Sisters? Any question (and we mean any) will be accepted, read, shared with all the other Sisters, and maybe even answered HERE. Just send them to advice@theabbey.org

Categories
Advice

Afraid to ask, but…

With Sister Isabella Ringing

Why do some men who are long time HIV survivors have sunken in cheeks while others who have had HIV for just as long do not?

Signed, “Curious but afraid to ask”

 

Dear Curious,

Thanks for your question.  First of all, let’s put a clinical name on those sunken cheeks. It is a condition called Lipodystrophy which is a fancy term for abnormal fat redistribution. Lipodystrophy shows up in two ways, fat loss or lipoatrophy (usually in the face, buttocks, arms, and legs) and fat accumulation or lipohypertrophy (usually in the neck, belly, upper torso and breasts).

While lipoatrophy can occur in the arms, legs, and butt, fat loss in the face is probably most difficult for HIV+ people. This can make you look older and sicker than you are and cause embarrassment and low self esteem.

Facial wasting, as it is also often called, can have a devastating emotional, psychological, and social impact on those it afflicts. Many people are turning to risky experimental facial reconstruction treatments with varying degrees of success, and sometimes serious complications. Researchers continue to research alternative treatments to minimize the effects of Lipodystrophy, but there is still much to learn.

This fat redistribution is not caused directly by HIV, but is instead a side effect of the medications used to treat HIV. These medications have different effects on different people, and as such the side effects vary. There are certain classes of HIV medications that research has found to have a greater impact on fat redistribution than others. As the treatment options increase, these drugs with greater risk of side effects are no longer the first to be prescribed, but are still sometimes necessary tools in the arsenal of drugs used to combat HIV.

Thankfully, there is a greater variety of treatments for HIV today. Health care providers are able to identify strains of HIV that are resistant to or treatable by different types of medications, and are able to weigh the risk of side effect against the optimum treatment for a particular strain.  The long timer you see with sunken cheeks may very likely have a particularly difficult strain of HIV to treat, that has become resistant to some of the medications with fewer side effects.

So the short answer to your question: different side effects to different drug therapies.

If you want a bit more of the technical information on Facial Wasting, Check out www.facialwasting.org

Thanks again Curious, and remember, you never need to be afraid to ask a Sister!

Love and Light,

Sister Isabella Ringing

 

Do you have a question for the Sisters? Any question (and we mean any) will be accepted, read, shared with all the other Sisters, and maybe even answered HERE. Just send them to advice@theabbey.org

Categories
Events

Movie Night with Sister Glo – Dallas Buyers Club

Friday, March 21, 2014 at 6 PM

Gay City: Seattle’s LGBTQ Center

517 E Pike St, Seattle, Washington 98122

Join Sister Glo for a Friday night film and discussion. We’ll watch Dallas Buyers Club, based on a true story about electrician and hustler Ron Woodroof working around the system in 1985 Dallas to help AIDS patients get the medication they need after he is himself diagnosed with the disease. After we watch, well, you know how it goes – we’ll talk!

This is a free, BYOP (bring your own popcorn) event. UPDATE: SASG has graciously agreed to bring snacks and drinks. Yay!!

The movie will begin at 6:30

Location: The Calamus Auditorium at Gay City Health Project, 517 E Pike St, Seattle WA 98122

For more information on the film or to watch a trailer, click here:

http://www.focusfeatures.com/dallas_buyers_club

Categories
Events

Gay Bingo

Saturday, February 15, 2014 at 7 PM – 10 PM

Lifelong’s popular event, Gay Bingo, returns on February 15th for a Bridesmaids themed night of bingo, drag performances, photo ops, prizes, and more! Gay Bingo will be held at Fremont Studios from 7-10 p.m.

Additionally – we will be celebrating the one-year anniversary of marriage equality with an on-stage vow renewal and/or wedding. Couples needed! For information on the “Get Hitched at Gay Bingo” Contest or to purchase tickets, visit llaa.org/gaybingo. Proceeds help people living with life-challenging illnesses, such as HIV/AIDS.

Remember, this isn’t your grandmother’s bingo.

Sponsored by The Stranger, Sazerac, UnderU4Men, Whole Foods Market, Seattle Gay News, and the GSBA – Greater Seattle Business Association.

Categories
Events

1/2K Run from Commitment

Saturday, February 15, 2014 at 3:30 PM

The Sisters Of Perpetual Indulgence, The Abbey of St. Joan

1122 E Pike St, # 486, Seattle, Washington 98122

Get out your best gym couture and join the Sisters for a super rigorous 1/2K marathon!

We will be starting at Cal Anderson Park for a very important and comprehensive stretching and warm up session. Then, using sidewalks and adhering to traffic lights, running to the Cuff Complex on 13 and Pine for a fabulous after party with Sister drag performances, raffle prizes, and general awesomeness.

Funds raised will benefit YouthCare, a wonderful non-profit that provides support, services, and shelter to Seattle’s homeless youth (www.youthcare.org)

Categories
Events

World AIDS Day All-Day Vigil

Sunday, December 1, 2013 at 8 AM – 11 PM

Gay City: Seattle’s LGBTQ Center

517 E Pike St, Seattle, Washington 98122

Join the Sisters of The Abbey of St. Joan and friends in a day-long vigil to commemorate World AIDS Day. We will be creating memorial space in the Calamus Auditorium at Gay City Health Project that will feature a living ancestral altar (see below for more information), a memorial wall, candle dedications, a musical history of HIV, and more.

We’ll be there all day, so come for as short or as long as you’d like. Help us to remember those who came before us, and to remind ourselves of the shared responsibility we have for the future.

The Sisters’ Annual Walking Wake will begin at the Vigil. Look for more information to come.

 

LIVING ALTAR: HONORING THOSE WHO CAME BEFORE US

A living altar is an effective and beautiful way for a group of people to make a connection with those who have passed away, to remember them, learn from them, to look again upon them with love and thereby strengthen ourselves for the work before us we’ve yet to do in this world.

By setting our living altar, we will honor with a touch of whimsy those in the community who have passed, who have come before us, who have shaped our lives individually or collectively, who in some way have affected and were affected by the HIV epidemic.

Every person who visits the altar may bring something to place on the altar in memory of someone, so that it grows and changes with each person’s visit as a living portrait, a shifting snapshot of our spiritual ancestry, a communal vision of a past we all share in, but have yet to truly see.

 

WHAT YOU MAY BRING TO PLACE ON THE ALTAR

Anything. Yes, anything.

If it holds meaning for you or represents to you the person who has passed away, it is an appropriate object. Pictures or photos, (even photocopies of photos) are wonderful, direct ways to remember and honor the dead. Choose pictures that have meaning for you – and if the photos happen to have the living in them as well as the dead, that’s okay. All photos will be looked after, no ancestor will be lost or unattended.

You may also use an item that may have been the person’s or something that they liked– a piece of jewelry, a dish, their favorite book, a stuffed animal, their favorite food, their favorite beverage, art they made, favorite clothing, something with their favorite colors, glitter, cigarettes, candies, makeup, poetry, toys, dolls, money, letters, love notes, flowers, beads, statues, stones, candles, fabrics, symbols.

 

Listen to your inner voice. You will know what to bring.

Also, bear in mind that you can honor anyone you like at this living altar. If you have a deceased pet, go ahead and include them. Someone doesn’t have to be a blood relative or even human to be part of our connected spiritual ancestry. It may even be someone you have never met, such as the ancestors of the land where we live, but who we want or need claim as family nonetheless.