What was in that salad?

by Sister Bertha Christ

Dear sisters,

I’m a 19 year old gay boy from podunk, BFE. I just found out that I have Hepatitis A. I got it from a one night stand who I went home with while I was drunk. The problem is, I have a boyfriend. I don’t want to pass it to him, but I’m too embarrassed to say anything. Should I tell him? Are there ways of keeping him safe without having to tell him what I’ve done?

– He’ll Excrement Post Announcement!


Dear BFE,

A little Hepatitis overview first. Hepatitis C is blood-blood transmission, Hepatitis B is transmitted by bodiliy fluids, and Hepatitis A is fecal-oral transmission. What that means for you is that you could have contracted Hepatitis A anywhere you drank, ate, or licked dirty butt. If you have had sex with your boyfriend since “cheating” and he licked your dirty butt, or you prepared food for him without washing your hands, you may have transmitted the virus to him. Your bottom line is he won’t know that you slept around, since Hepatitis A is not only transmitted by licking dirty butt.

It all depends on the type of relationship you want with him. Do you want one where there are secrets, or one of trust? Examine why you slept with someone else. Ask yourself, is there something lacking in the relationship you need to ask for? Is there something lacking in yourself? Do you want an open relationship? Are you happy in this relationship? Make sure you are clear what it is you want, be succinct, and tell him your truth. Then, shut up and listen to his response.

As hard as it might be to see a loved one hurt by our own actions, honesty is best and they deserve to have all the facts. Wouldn’t you want to know?

Lastly, there is a vaccine for Hepatitis A and B, but not C. So, if you haven’t had Hepatits B yet, get vaccinated.

Sister Bertha


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