Category: Sisters

Meet the Sisters of the Abbey of St. Joan

Sister Amanda Mount

Post author By Pristine Chapel
Post date December 2, 2017

When did you screw everything up, but no one ever found out it was you?

The Constitution of the United States of America specifically says: “… nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself…” ‘Nuff said.

What would you name your boat if you had one?

The USS Penis Extension

What’s the most useless talent you have?

In a restaurant I can immediately find the person who is chewing with their mouth open in the most disgusting way. Worst. Avenger. Ever. (that’s not true. Doctor Druid was worse, but not by much).

A penguin walks through that door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here?

“Do you have the $200 bucks?” He’s delivering my sheet of acid. Don’t ask him about the sombrero. He doesn’t talk about the sombrero. Ever.

Which storybook/cartoon character turns you on the most?

Alfred. Anyone THAT into service and can keep a bat-cave spotless while sporting such a tight tushy in butler pants is going to be just keen my book. Just keen, I tell you.

Do you have any strange phobias?

Glitter. Ironic, I know. It’s why I am so often heavily medicated on Jack Daniels when you see me.

Which way does your toilet paper hang on the wall – over or under?

My husband would like to use this opportunity to say he would be happy with over or under and not sitting on the counter near the toilet. Don’t judge me.

What are three things still left on your bucket list?

Well first, wooden bucket. I know, right? How have I gone this long in life without having a wooden bucket! Second I think would be a glass bucket. Classy. And the third, I would like a bucket made out that stuff they use to make edible panties. Ultimate conversation starter at cocktail parties.

If you could have any one superpower, which would you choose?

My super power would be to take away any super powers from anyone choosing super powers from answering questions like, “If you could have any superpower, which would you choose?” Those people don’t know what they are doing and wasting an incredible gift.

What is one thing that all of your love-interests have had in common?

Me. Also, they all hated coconut. I love coconut. They ALL hated coconut! Who the fuck hates coconut!?!

You’ve been given an elephant. You can’t give it away or sell it. What would you do with the elephant?

Slap “Gluten Free” stickers on each of his dookies, then sell them on Amazon. Retire in one year to Hawaii. With the elephant, of course. He can bring me coconuts. Seriously, who the fuck doesn’t just love coconuts!

What, or who, are you a “closet” fan of?

Spice Girls. Especially Scary Spice. Well and of course, Posh Spice. My home girl… Sporty Spice too. And my goodness, that Baby Spice! Not Ginger though. Didn’t like her.

Fully Professed Inactive Sisters

Sister Aura Lee Fixated

Post author By Pristine Chapel
Post date December 2, 2017

Contact Sister Aura Lee Fixated

Fully Professed On-leave/Missionary Sisters

Sister Alison Chains / Brother Gary Curter

Post author By Pristine Chapel
Post date June 15, 2017

Sr. Alison Chains (she/them) is a radical, intersectional activist. Br. Gary Curter (he/them) puts the clown in drag clown nun! They share a heart dedicated to serving the full LGBTQAI community in all it’s glorious racial, age, gender, faith, and ability diversity! Gary/Alison has transferred to the Boston Sisters, where they spread mischief and joy all they way from DC to Boston

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Fully Professed Inactive Ordained Minister Sisters

Sister Pussywillow Wilchenot

Post author By Pristine Chapel
Post date June 14, 2017

Equal parts glitter and dirt, Sister Pussywillow Wilchenot’s piercing gaze only means she’s not wearing her glasses. She’s the smallest member, your work-a-day-genderfucking-fem-trans nun, and if you ask just right…well, just be careful what you ask for. She’ll probably give it to you.

Contact Sister Pussywillow Wilchenot

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Fully Professed Sisters

Sister Gladys Pantzarhoff

Post author By Pristine Chapel
Post date June 7, 2017

Sister Gladys Pantzarhoff recieved her calling on the patio of the Lone Star saloon in San Francisco in 2005.

In March of 2006 she became a Fully Professed Sister with the Mother House in San Francisco. Sister Gladys and her lovely husband moved to the Pacific Northwest in 2011, and after taking a couple years off to rest and settle into life in Seattle, she joined the Abbey of St. Joan in the Summer of 2016, shortly after the devastating Pulse Massacre in Orlando FL. She felt her respite was over and it was time to get back out in the world to spread some love and joy.

Sister Gladys uses her voice and comedic talents as a fundraiser, emcee, host and all around social butterfly. She is an ally and voice for those who have been silenced, a fierce soldier in the fight against HIV Stigma, is an advocate for LGBTQ rights, and equality for all.

She’s a fun-loving, naughty Nun, with a penchant for dirty martini’s, who does what she can to promote sex positivity. She feels that sex and sexuality should be celebrated, not shamed. In her secular life, Gladys works in HIV Prevention, supporting the community by promoting and offering free HIV testing, free access to safer sex supplies, PrEP education and access assistance, and sexual health education.